episod ulat dalam batu pon boleh makan... tau?

itu ulat!! bukan aku..

sobsobsosb.. sedih weh lop sero..

hah! kan dah kuar loghat klantannye..

mane tak sedih weh..

aku dok berangan la gaji leh masuk bulan lapan ni..

bila gaji masuk bulan lapan, maknenye aku leh bersuka riang ria bershopping di malam raya..

bila gaji masuk bulan lapan, maknenye aku dah boleh bagi duit raya kat mak ayah adik dan anak sdare aku..

bila gaji masuk bulan lapan, maknenye aku leh dapat baju raya baru dalam 2-3 helai ke?

eh-eh-eh? over pulak kan..

tapi betol lah..

i hateeeee youuu tau..

nape tak nak buat gaji i cepat2..

ingat i ni pandai ke nak mengemis2 di tepian jalan mintak duit nak makan?

kecian lah sket..

sobsosbosbsosb~

mengharap durian runtuh di waktu terdekat..

lagi geram bile dia cakap "dalam bulan 10 dapat la dik"

hotak kooo... bulan tujuh tak dapat, bulan lapan tak dapat, bulan sembilan tak dapat, bulan sepuluh baru dapat?

4 bulan keje baru dapat gaji?

dahtu aku nyer sewa umah sape nak bayar?

akunyer makan minum camne pulak?

huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~

sedih2..

memang sedih..

sedih campur marah pon ade..

;(

episod pasal kawan bukan pasal kawen

selepas hampir setahun meninggalkan episod belajar di batu pahat sane..

selepas hampir setahun meninggalkan teman housemate yang sangat sempoi, sekepala, dah gaduh boleh baaik balik, gemar bershopping di kala wang ringgit tiada, pandai memasak, suke barang-barang pink dan merah obviously, dan sanggup teman aku gi minum kat Gelas Besar jam doblas malam pastu rajen bawak aku gi mekdi sebab nak lepaskan gian...

selepas hampir setahun meninggalkan mereka-mereka itu semua..

sumpah aku rasa cam awkward nak mulakan hidup baru dengan rakan-rakan yang baru..

ditambah pulak dengan jenis yang tak reti nak mencelah macam aku ni..

masalah nak start bergurau mesra dengan rakan sekerja adalah sangat kritikal okeh..

naseb baek lah ada housemates yang satu tempat kerja ngan aku..

sorang sesi petang, sorang lagi sesi pagi sama ngan aku..

dengan diorang lah aku belajar peel perangai cikgu cikgi kat sekolah..

mungkin tak sepenuhnya, tapi agak bermanfaat untuk aku get to know each of them..

naseb baek jugak sebab housemates adelah baru posting bulan february tahun ni.

jadi kami sama-sama freshy, sama-sama cantik, sama-sama gebu.. eh? hahaha

naseb baek sebab aku kene buat modul orientasi guru baru yang ala-ala portfolio yang kene buat time praktikal..

mase ni lah baru terhegeh-hegeh nak berterima kasih kat Tuan Haji Ashari (penyelaras latihan mengajar fakulti pendidikan UTHM) sebab paksa rela kami buat portfolio dulu..

rupa-rupanya memang ade benefitnya tersendiri..

terima kasih Tuan Haji..

naseb baek pulak sebab housemates adelah option kaunseling dan mereka lah banyak ajar camne nak handle budak malas tegar kat sekolah tuh..

nanti aku nak buat entry pasal budak2 ni kat blog cikgu.

kehidupan aku setakat ini bukanlah semuanya bernaseb baek..

antara kemungkinan-kemungkinan yang aku bakal hadapi adalah seperti

--> akan menyewa seorang diri bermula bulan Ogos..

--> akan membayar bil seorang diri bermula bulan Ogos..

--> akan mengikat perot kaw-kaw bermula bulan Ogos..

--> akan berbuka puasa seorang diri bermula bulan Ogos..

--> akan pergi, balik sekolah seorang diri bermula bulan Ogos..

--> akan bersusah senang seorang diri sahaja bermula bulan Ogos..

sobsosbosbsosb...

sedih ar nak pindah umah...

;' (

episod hati sepi siapa yang tahu?

tajuk memang tak boleh tahan beb..

meleleh lentok siap kalo sebak leh menanges kot..

aku dah lame tak buat entry pasal hati jiwa dan perasaan ni..

dah macam tak de perasaan pulak bile memanjang happy..

dah macam takde perasaan pulak bile memanjang marah..

dua perasaan tu je ke yang aku ade?

pelik tak pelik jugak lah..

kadang-kadang aku biol.. tambah gak satu perasaan lagi..

perasan cantik!! eh? itu perasan.. bukan perasaan..

lame joke!

jangan gelak weh..

ini entry sepi ni..

jom tangkap lentok sama ngan aku..

;'(

paling terkesan adalah entry ini..

biarpon isinya secoet cuma..

dah cukup mendatangkan kesan kat aku..

nampak sangat aku tak berubah-ubah dari dulu..

masih di takuk lama..

orang tua dok pulun cakap takde semangat nak maju ke depan..

hah! gitulah gayanye..

supposely dah patut sedarkan diri, usia dah makin lama makin kurang..

memanglah nilainya bertambah tapi mane kau tau hari ni kau dok gelak2 sembang kemaen kencang lagi, esok kau dah tak bernyawa seorang diri dalam bilik..

hah? kau tau ape? kan2x?

oke. itu contoh.. aku takde la pulak nak doakan korang meninggal sebegitu rupa..

seelok-eloknya kalau meninggal dalam tidur kan menjadi pilihan ramai..

sebab tu sebelum tidur, kita digalakkan untuk mengucap dua kalimah syahadat dulu..

be proper and nice begitulah..

oppss.. kembali ke cerita asal..

i was wonder bilalah aku nak move forward?

yes! move forward...

biar laju ke depan sikit..

asek dok ikut flow the mollow jek.. lame-lame leh jadi lemau cam limau aku neh..

dok asek avoid, avoid pon.. datang jugak..

Ya Tuhan, kuatkanlah hati hamba-Mu ini..

kepada-Mu sahaja aku berserah..

daripada-Mu aku lahir, kepada-Mu jua aku kembali..

semoga hati aku semakin kuat untuk meninggalkan episod silam..

amin ya rabbal alamin..

p/s: dah cukup #Bersih ke kita ni yang dok sibuk-sibuk #Bersihkan orang laen? renung-renungkan.. dan selamat beramal..

episod semangat baru

Ya Tuhan, berikanlah aku semangat baru untuk menempuhi minggu yang terakhir ini..

sobsosb~

sedih bebenor rasenye bile masuk kelas tapi takde hati nak mengajar.

ye betol, kecian kat students yang nak belajar tapi peratus yang betul2 nak belajar secoet jek.

beri latihan banyak2, last2 dok menunggu aku bagi jawapan..

ape cer..

sakit ati i ni tau..

dah bagi nota, tak nak salin pulak.. hish...

4 hari je lagi munie..

4 hari je lagi..

;(

episod perasaan yang sangat sakit..

adoyaii..

i was wonder why each time i'm trying to please everyone in my life to be more happier and less pressure, then i was the One yang tertekan..

i'm full of ideas to make everyone happy and relief stress in middle of they struggling to face hard days..

i'm enjoying giving those ideas to make everyone happy and forget all the problems they have..

could please anyone understand what i'm trying to do?

yes. i'm just giving the ideas not the money itself.

i have no money but i do have ideas and thought to make everyone happy.

i just giving the ideas. if u don't like, or do not able to hear or not able to understand what i trying to do, then fine. i will shut up my mouth. i won't be giving any ideas in future.

i do what i want to do only.

owh please.. that was so NOT me lah..

the time for being selfish is was far away from me.

i'm already sick to be selfish.

i'm already sick to be in my own world.

i'm already sick to be alone.

i'm already sick to talk to myself (monologue made me crazy!!!)

i'm already sick to find the happiness outside from my home instead of the happiness should be inside the house.

there you go, now-before-in future i only have you. i want to share everything with you.

even when i'm stress with my life, i'm happy with my life, even when i'm sad thinking about others feeling..

could you please understand that everything i do is to please everyONE... every single ONE in my life. not for myself only..

you teach me to speak up.

but when i do speak up, you said i'm against you.

oh my oh my.. what should i do dear?

yes, its my faults when i said that word to you.

then i already apologized. and you agreed to apologize me.

but now? why you avoiding me?

why should you talked with others behind me instead of talking in front of me.

i don't know what else should i do.

i'm GLAD i'm home when i finished my practical.

then i faced with all these.

i'm glad even i'm stress with you, i still be able to control myself.

somehow i also want you to sit down with me for a while.

talk one-on-one with me alone.

just being me-and-you... don't mixed up with others problems.

just me and you like the old days?

could you?

i know you were pressured with all these..

i know whenever i'm stress with you, you were being more stress with your own problems.

that's why i am being silent after the arguing.

that's why i am apologize even i know i was not wrong..

the way i talk is wrong. all the conversation is not wrong..

you ask for me to be a listener, could you even once be a listener too?

you were too tired, please don't mixed all the feelings, could you?

you were too tired, that's why i'm giving the ideas to go to holidays..

~sigh~

i dunno what to do more to please you.

i'm sorry for all i have said to you.

at least, i'm being honest with myself.

i'm not the 6 years ago girl who do not have courages to lead her life anymore.

i'm grow up dear.

6 years was a long journey to make me thinking how glad i am that you always inspired me to do every single thing in my life.

please do not blame me for the others mistakes.

i'm sick to be punished for others mistakes because i do have my own mistakes.

~i am tired mentally and physically~

episode could you

could you please do something instead of being lazy?

could you please do something instead of thinking bad about others?

could you please do something instead of bubbling nothing?

could you please do please someone else before you please yourself?

could you please do ever thinking about others before you voice out loud about your crap opinions?

could you please do stop being me instead of being yourself?

could you please do stop judge people badly?

could you please do let go everything that happened before even it hurts you most?

could you please do grow up instead being like a 5 years old girl who need attentions from others?

could you please do please your parents heart and loving them and please them no matter what they bubbling 24/7?

could you please do change your attitude before you try to change others?

could you please do my dear?

could you?

could you?

could you?

because i'm sick trying to please people like you.

because i'm tired trying to please people like you.

because i'm crying inside trying to please people like you.

because i'm human who never ever be like you.

episod korang yang baek, tolongi aku ye~

mungkin ade yang tak ingat pasal entry ini ----> klik sini

dan hari ni jam 1.30 pagi, uncle kesayangan aku sekali lagi terpaksa dimasukkan ke ICu Perdana Specialist sebab kene serangan jantung.

aku dapat tau lepas subuh tadi..

maka bergegas2 la mandi seawal 7.00 pagi..

siapkan segala apa pakaian sebab mungkin aku kene standby kat umah mak sdare menjaga anak2 dia.

penuh satu beg aku bawak..

sebab tak tau bile uncle aku tu leh kuar hospital..

tadi mase gi melawat dia pon, dia cam tak larat nak cakap2..

tapi sempat jugak buat jokes dalam tak larat tu..

huhu..

neway, please2 ye..

kamu, kamu, kamu yang membaca ini..

doa-doakan supaya uncle aku sihat walafiat kembali..

harap2 tak kene masuk dewan bedah lagi..

sayang

bila kata-kata sayang tu mudah je diungkap, diluahkan kununnya mau dijadikan benih2 yang bakal membuahkan hasil percintaan yang luhur dari hati yang suci, ikhlas dan abadi..

bila kata-kata cinta itu hanya hadir di permulaan perkenalan yang lama2 hilang lenyap dikambus dengan kebencian semata..

bila kata-kata kasih itu sekadar untuk menjaga hati pasangan sedangkan hati sendiri terluka tersiat2 sampai xleh nak diubati lagi..












salah sape kalo aku rasa aku taknak couple buat masa ni??
--> sorry to sumone, i've to break his heart..
--> i tak kuat lagi nak adapt ngan alam percintaan2 ni lagi..
--> history sungguh susah untuk dilupakan..
--> kan aku dah cakap aku unpredictable...

th@nk U

aku hanya mampu berterima kasih kepada "si dia" sebab berjaya buat aku sedih..