episod perasaan yang sangat sakit..

adoyaii..

i was wonder why each time i'm trying to please everyone in my life to be more happier and less pressure, then i was the One yang tertekan..

i'm full of ideas to make everyone happy and relief stress in middle of they struggling to face hard days..

i'm enjoying giving those ideas to make everyone happy and forget all the problems they have..

could please anyone understand what i'm trying to do?

yes. i'm just giving the ideas not the money itself.

i have no money but i do have ideas and thought to make everyone happy.

i just giving the ideas. if u don't like, or do not able to hear or not able to understand what i trying to do, then fine. i will shut up my mouth. i won't be giving any ideas in future.

i do what i want to do only.

owh please.. that was so NOT me lah..

the time for being selfish is was far away from me.

i'm already sick to be selfish.

i'm already sick to be in my own world.

i'm already sick to be alone.

i'm already sick to talk to myself (monologue made me crazy!!!)

i'm already sick to find the happiness outside from my home instead of the happiness should be inside the house.

there you go, now-before-in future i only have you. i want to share everything with you.

even when i'm stress with my life, i'm happy with my life, even when i'm sad thinking about others feeling..

could you please understand that everything i do is to please everyONE... every single ONE in my life. not for myself only..

you teach me to speak up.

but when i do speak up, you said i'm against you.

oh my oh my.. what should i do dear?

yes, its my faults when i said that word to you.

then i already apologized. and you agreed to apologize me.

but now? why you avoiding me?

why should you talked with others behind me instead of talking in front of me.

i don't know what else should i do.

i'm GLAD i'm home when i finished my practical.

then i faced with all these.

i'm glad even i'm stress with you, i still be able to control myself.

somehow i also want you to sit down with me for a while.

talk one-on-one with me alone.

just being me-and-you... don't mixed up with others problems.

just me and you like the old days?

could you?

i know you were pressured with all these..

i know whenever i'm stress with you, you were being more stress with your own problems.

that's why i am being silent after the arguing.

that's why i am apologize even i know i was not wrong..

the way i talk is wrong. all the conversation is not wrong..

you ask for me to be a listener, could you even once be a listener too?

you were too tired, please don't mixed all the feelings, could you?

you were too tired, that's why i'm giving the ideas to go to holidays..

~sigh~

i dunno what to do more to please you.

i'm sorry for all i have said to you.

at least, i'm being honest with myself.

i'm not the 6 years ago girl who do not have courages to lead her life anymore.

i'm grow up dear.

6 years was a long journey to make me thinking how glad i am that you always inspired me to do every single thing in my life.

please do not blame me for the others mistakes.

i'm sick to be punished for others mistakes because i do have my own mistakes.

~i am tired mentally and physically~